I normally work from home and rarely work outside of the home. I recently took a temporary assignment at the government found myself waking up for work on a very rainy day. I was not prepared! You see it has been a great summer of hot weather, the sunshine and light apparel. Summer shoes, heels and sandals. My boots were, somewhere hiding in wait for the winter weather. So I decided to brave the rain in my cloth runners. I know how to avoid puddles I thought bravely.
Next big decision is, avoid getting my dress wet, so I choose a coat that I call my ‘little red riding hood’ jacket. Yes, I name my clothes, not all of them just my favourites. This jacket is bright red, looks like a tent on me and but has a big red hoodie, great for covering my frizzy hair from the rain. It is a heavy jacket and would be warm to wear, but since I didn’t own an umbrella, it was my only choice. So, off I went. Running late, as usual, I braved the downtown Toronto weather, to get to work. Read the rest of this entry
A dear friend of mine lost her father just recently. I tried to comfort my dear friend, it was hard to watch someone go through what I only experienced just a year ago. The pain of the loss of losing one of the most important people in your life. As I listened to her worries about how she treated her father and the things she might regret and as the tears swelled in her eyes. I tried to comfort her with words that somehow got me through my own big loss. Things like, ‘ I am sure your father loved you. ‘, and ‘He knows how much your relationship meant to him.’, ‘There is no wrong way to grieve.’ and a few others. I really meant them from the bottom of my heart. It sort of hurt me to see my friend this way. I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and let her cry. I have been there, and that is all I wanted when my dear mother passed away. I just wanted that freak-en huge hole in my heart to go away. A hug was all I wanted and needed at that time. Read the rest of this entry
I sometimes need to be alone, and by myself to feel what my own body feels. It is an odd sensation to be apart from yourself. Alone in a room full of people seems just as lonely as being alone. I feel like I know a secret that cannot be shared. That there is something special about me that allows me to forgive people and understand others pain. But can’t comfort them. I think it because i know that everyone’s pain is a lesson learned or a problem to solve. All I think I can do is listen and share my pain with you, so that you know you are not alone. I sent out these feelings to others, to comfort and soothe them. but I wonder… I am I doing it for them or myself.
I suffer a lot when I am alone in my head, I tend to find a way to think about the hurts I am inflicted on others when they didn’t deserve it or even understand it. I spend my life trying to be good, a good caring person, and try to take care of others. I suck at it.. really because I feel so disconnected from others. All the time. Like they are there and I am here. I understand others people pain, cause I feel it all the time in my own body, and being. I think, I have always felt ripped away from others because of something missing from my heart. Like I was taken from something that was almost heaven like, and told I could never return to. So I feel cut off and left out. Like I know something that is not there for others to know, that I know exists and I can’t share it. Read the rest of this entry
I have a good friend who I love with all my heart. I still remember the day I first met him. He saw me crying in the hallway and asked me what was wrong.
Who would have known, he would have been a staple in my life, and a long term friend of my children. Ricardo, is a treasure and I love him. I decided to post these pictures of us cause he sent them to me a year ago, and I just cleaned out my email and seen them now. Please enjoy them. Read the rest of this entry