Category Archives: Rachel’s Notes

Art and Emotions

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Ever come across a piece of Art that says more than you see.  This one does screams out to me. I am always saying its ok. But it really isn’t.  I just think I can handle it alone.  When I can’t.

Thank you whoever drew this, for making me think about saying this all the time.  If you know who this person is let me know.  I will give that person a huge long hug. The kind I need right now myself.

Sometimes, Art says more than I can express, and this one today.  Had my attention, Rachel needs self-care, and I have good friends who love me.  And Care for me.  They deserve better than its OK.

I am working on it.  Trust me.

Love Ray

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Rainy Day Trip into the Office

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20160812_173518[1]I normally work from home and rarely work outside of the home.  I recently took a temporary assignment at the government found myself waking up for work on a very rainy day.  I was not prepared!  You see it has been a great summer of hot weather, the sunshine and light apparel.  Summer shoes, heels and sandals.  My boots were, somewhere hiding in wait for the winter weather.  So I decided to brave the rain in my cloth runners.  I know how to avoid puddles I thought bravely.

Next big decision is, avoid getting my dress wet, so I choose a coat that I call my ‘little red riding hood’ jacket.  Yes, I name my clothes, not all of them just my favourites.  This jacket is bright red, looks like a tent on me and but has a big red hoodie, great for covering my frizzy hair from the rain.  It is a heavy jacket and would be warm to wear, but since I didn’t own an umbrella, it was my only choice. So, off I went. Running late, as usual, I braved the downtown Toronto weather, to get to work. Read the rest of this entry

Remembering Mom

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grief and butterflies

A dear friend of mine lost her father just recently.  I tried to comfort my dear friend, it was hard to watch someone go through what I only experienced just a year ago.  The pain of the loss of losing one of the most important people in your life.  As I listened to her worries about how she treated her father and the things she might regret and as the tears swelled in her eyes.   I tried to comfort her with words that somehow got me through my own big loss.  Things like, ‘ I am sure your father loved you. ‘, and ‘He knows how much your relationship meant to him.’,  ‘There is no wrong way to grieve.’ and a few others.  I really meant them from the bottom of my heart. It sort of hurt me to see my friend this way.  I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and let her cry.  I have been there, and that is all I wanted when my dear mother passed away.  I just wanted that freak-en huge hole in my heart to go away.   A hug was all I wanted and needed at that time. Read the rest of this entry

Why do I feel so alone?

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I sometimes need to be alone, and by myself to feel what my own body feels.  It is an odd sensation to be apart from yourself.  Alone in a room full of people seems just as lonely as being alone.  I feel like I know a secret that cannot be shared.  That there is something special about me that allows me to forgive people and understand others pain.  But can’t comfort them.  I think it because i know that everyone’s pain is a lesson learned or a problem to solve.  All I think I can do is listen and share my pain with you, so that you know  you are not alone.  I sent out these feelings to others, to comfort and soothe them.  but I wonder… I am I doing it for them or myself.

I suffer a lot when I am alone in my head, I tend to find a way to think about the hurts I am inflicted on others when they didn’t deserve it or even understand it.  I spend my life trying to be good, a good caring person, and try to take care of others.  I suck at it.. really because I feel so disconnected from others.  All the time.  Like they are there and I am here.  I understand others people pain, cause I feel it all the time in my own body, and being.  I think, I have always felt ripped away from others because of something missing from my heart.  Like I was taken from something that was almost heaven like, and told I could never return to.  So I feel cut off and left out.  Like I know something that is not there for others to know, that I know exists and I can’t share it. Read the rest of this entry

Friends Forever…

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I have a good friend who I love with all my heart.  I still remember the day I first met him.  He saw me crying in the hallway and asked me what was wrong.

Who would have known, he would have been a staple in my life, and a long term friend of my children.  Ricardo, is a treasure and I love him.  I decided to post these pictures of us cause he sent them to me a year ago, and I just cleaned out my email and seen them now.  Please enjoy them. Ricardo and I Read the rest of this entry